The Life of the Mind and the Heart
Reflections on Aging and Mortality
Now 80, Eric observes that while his physical body has changed, he does not feel old intellectually or spiritually. His residence in a Life Plan Community has fostered a natural patience within him, even when engaging with peers who struggle to articulate their thoughts. Regarding death, Eric maintains an atheist perspective, viewing it as a finality similar to a candle being extinguished. He prioritizes current time with his wife over the pursuit of "intellectual immortality" through writing.
Marriage and Human Connection
Eric reflected on his 58-year marriage, noting that while he didn't consciously prioritize certain specific traits when first attracted to his future wife, he ultimately found that her extraordinary honesty, loyalty, and selflessness were foundational elements in both the ease and durability of their relationship. He emphasizes that a compatible partner should possess integrity, self-awareness, and tolerance. Eric believes for many, including himself, a partner who shares an interest in the "life of the mind" and a common ground in values while maintaining their own interests supports the pleasures both of mutual exchange and of mutual growth. His core consistent values include marriage, family, learning, and a respectful acceptance of others.
Intellectual Evolution and Perspective
Eric’s understanding of being an "intellectual" has shifted from a childhood desire to earn parental love to a more nuanced view of the role of intellect in his own life, as a teacher and writer, for example, and in relationships. He believes intellectual engagement should function in a broadly human context, for example, prioritizing the understanding of others' perspectives over demonstrating one's own capabilities. He shared how reading Last Exit to Brooklyn helped him note and void the casual, post-war majority culture’s default homophobia by teaching him to genuinely sympathize with a different viewpoint.
Life Periods and Social Ties
Eric does not believe that any single life period is inherently the "best," noting that his enjoyment varied across different eras. Examples include a lengthy cross-country trip during a collegiate gap year that might feel insecure and lonely now, the years spent raising his children that might be exhausting now, and a serendipitous week in Florence with a newly met colleague that would not be possible in his retirement years. While he deeply values long-standing friendships, he prioritizes family, which drove him and his wife to their late-life move to New Jersey. He notes that friendships in a retirement community, certainly crucial daily, differ from those formed earlier through shared neighborhoods, social institutions, employment, and family activities. He does, though, view family as extending to "chosen" relationships, expressing deep appreciation for Judi's role in his life.
