On Becoming an Octogenarian (with David)
On Becoming an Octogenarian: A Conversation with Eric S. Rabkin
In this inaugural episode of the "Humanist in Residence" series, David Rabkin interviews his father, Eric S. Rabkin, shortly after the latter’s 80th birthday. The discussion explores the transition into a stage of life Eric has thought of since childhood as "officially old".
The Weight of a "Magic Number"
Eric reflects on the continuing cultural perception of 80 as a "magic number". While modern society often suggests that "50 is the new 40," Eric argues that the historical freight of "octogenarian" remains unchanged, officially signifying old age, regardless of how young he feels. He illustrates how a word can populate our understanding with the Spanish word apretado (pressed together), which he absorbed while living in Madrid, to describe heavy traffic. Even back in the United States, that word had replaced “congested” for him. "Octogenarian" feels strange as his current life stage because he is one, it means “old,” and yet he doesn’t feel it.
Intellectual Knowledge vs. Felt Reality
A central theme is the difference between intellectual knowledge and "felt reality." Eric speaks about becoming a father: before David was born, Eric knew intellectually he might one day be a father, but the birth transformed his idea of fatherhood into a lifelong, felt reality. Similarly, while he has always known life is finite, turning 80 has made that finitude a felt reality. This perspective has modified his view of the future, underscoring, for example, a desire to consider and provide for descendants he may never meet.
Regrets: Omission vs. Commission
Eric notes that many people say we regret only what we didn’t do, regrets of omission. He thinks this may reflect an unwise egocentrism. There are also regrets of commission. What is crucial is choosing both actions and inactions according to the values they may have for ourselves and for others. This realization underscores his current wish to find satisfaction—with himself, family, friends, and community—doing what seems worthwhile and not regretting options well left untaken. He has no bucket list.
Navigating the "Next-to-Last Chapter"
Eric describes his current situation at Winchester Gardens as the "next-to-last chapter" of his life, an active chapter that may quickly or gradually become one of palpable constraint. He acknowledges the statistical reality of his age, noting a stroke in 2012 that could have finished him then. Although he currently feels no major physical or mental diminution, he is acutely aware of potential decline. In his community, he sees it daily.
Transcendence through Conversation
This interview is part of a project involving the family members who created this website and series. Eric views these recorded dialogues as a way to go beyond the finitude of life, offering a means for others to know him even after he is gone. While he acknowledges the public nature of these recordings means some things must go unsaid to protect the privacy and feelings of others, he focuses on the positive power of conversation.
The session concludes with a philosophy of legacy: what a great gift is the sense that one didn't just "take up space and use up resources," but made a contribution. He describes the satisfaction of being a "link in a chain"—receiving from those before and providing for those after. He imagines a great-grandchild yet unborn seeing their own parent, currently a student, or grandparent as a vigorous adult, talking with their great-grandfather. By engaging in this series created by his family, Eric feels the gift of a felt reality: participating with those he loves to enrich the lives of others.
